An Interview With the Coaches from Team Combat

Interviewer: You guys are a big, strong, hard hitting team. What are your keys to success.

Team Combat: We look for size and limited intelligence. Personality and looks are ignored in our search for players. In fact, we find it is just the opposite. The uglier, the more unruly and caustic the player, the more he fits in with us.

Interviewer: Do you have any problem containing these boys?

Team Combat: Well, sometimes, but most of the dugouts we play in are chain link fences. We pretty much close off one end, keep raw meat in the middle of the dugout and prod them with sticks to go out to hit. Beating them frequently keeps them motivated and the yelling and screaming, well that just comes naturally with the type of player we go after.

Interviewer: Where do your boys go after their playing days are over?

Team Combat: That sometimes can be problematic for them. Real life success comes hard for our former players. We have had some success running them through half-way houses or work release programs. Sooner or later most of our kids find jobs and some even eventually own their own trailers. We have a rent to own program for this, but the success rate is still down around 10%.